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Oh, like you would’ve read this story if the headline didn’t include the words “drunk” and “escorts.” We know how you are.

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So, the Caesars Rewards app (Caesars Rewards is the Caesars Entertainment player loyalty club) has rolled out a new enhancement: “Find My Room.”

The “Find My Room” tool helps hotel guests, and presumably their guests (not just escorts), find rooms in the often sprawling expanses of Las Vegas resorts.

Caesars feels your pain. When you’re feeling no pain.

We gave the new functionality a test drive so you’ll know how to find your room the next time you’re blitzed at a Caesars Entertainment hotel. Sorry, the next time you’re responsibly imbibing at a Caesars Entertainment hotel. Because lawyers.

Once you download the Caesars Rewards app (it’s free, of course), you’ll want to connect it to your Caesars Rewards account if you haven’t already done so. If you aren’t a member, become one. Casino loyalty clubs are the best way to get more perks in Las Vegas.

In app parlance, this is called the “splash screen.” Irony alert. Because it’s a pool. Please try and keep up.

The Caesars Rewards app is a convenient way to check your Reward Credits and Tier Credits, if you’re into that kind of thing.

At the bottom of the app, click the red “Caesars Rewards” button. It’s a little more burgundy than red, but we are a blog, not a Pantone color book.

Next, in the upper right, click on “My Account,” then “Find My Room.”

Imagine how great life would be if there were giant red arrows pointing things out.

On this screen, you’ll enter the hotel, the “wing” or tower and your room number.

We just entered random room numbers for our test. The rooms have to actually exist for the function to work, otherwise you get an error message.

Please don’t pester the people in this room. It’s for illustrative purposes only.

From what we could tell, no matter which hotel you’re staying in, the app then shows you directions to your tower starting from the hotel’s front desk.

Depending upon the kind of person you are, you’ll either experience unbridled joy or crushing disappointment.

Resort maps are very useful, but there are some missed opportunities here.

To make the map useful, you have to find the starting point, the hotel’s registration desk.

This is not particularly helpful if you’re drunk or an escort. If you’re drunk, good luck finding anything. Wasn’t that the point of the new functionality in the first place?

If you’re an escort, repeatedly visiting the registration area, with its heightened security presence, isn’t ideal.

On the bright side, if the app just shows people where a hotel’s towers are, escorts have that down cold, so no big loss.

In case you ever decide to stay where parts of “The Hangover” were filmed.

We aren’t entirely sure why you’re so obsessed with how this app functionality will impact escorts, but we aren’t going to judge.

We tried rooms at Flamingo and Caesars Palace, and the maps did provide some simple guidance about how to navigate the resorts.

We sort of expected the app would be more specific, somehow using GPS to guide us from wherever we are to where we need to be, but Google Maps has spoiled everyone and we’re not even sure how that would work with vertical movement between floors.

Note: It’s possible Google Maps “have” spoiled everyone. We are not entirely sure because we attended public school.

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One of our biggest gripes when staying at hotels is remembering our room number. It seems so simple, but nobody’s writing their room number on a room key card (that’s not safe if you lose the key) or carrying around that little card folder thingy they write the room number on. So, you take a photo of the card folder thingy. That seems very 2008.

In the Caesars Rewards app, once you’re on the map screen, your room number goes away. Come on, Caesars Rewards app. Please think this through. The room number should be on the screen along with the directions to the tower. Hitting the back button is definitely very 2008.

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Anyway, quibbles aside, it’s clear Caesars Entertainment is listening to customers and trying to make their app as useful as possible.

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These casino apps can provide simple access to things like room reservations, show tickets (the app connects customers with Ticketmaster), deals and discounts, win/loss statements, casino credit options and a magical item called “marketing preferences.” There, you can choose which amenities you’d like to be pestered most about.

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Thanks to our pal and Vegas watcher Marc Meltzer for pointing us toward this handy new addition to the Caesars app.

If you’re a Caesars Rewards member or Caesars Entertainment customer, you’ll find something of use on the Caesars Rewards app. Here’s more.

The new “Find My Room” function may save you some headaches. Not the real kind, of course. You’re drunk. You’re getting those whether you have the app or not. Hydrate, already.